Being CANDYD

Soulmate... Checkmate?!

Long ago in a not so distant city of Bangalore two nine year old girls decided what their ideal mates would be like. They had decided to marry millionaires who would love them and satisfy their every whim and fancy! Very ambitious one would say for nine year olds, but hey these two did tend to plan in advance-very much so as one can see. Anyway I was one and the other girl my cousin- today however we have matured and our goals have changed into becoming millionaires ourselves:) ( by far easier- then we can sign our own checks! LOL...)
All my life( ok my short life of eighteen years) I have always astounded folks around me whenever I have shared with them the simple fact that I have never had a crush on anyone.. Their varied reactions are -
1. You are kidding right?
2. Dude are you sure you are straight? ( This one never fails to fox me, I mean I did say I have never ever had a crush- that would include both sexes?!)
3. Candy you are lying.. I am sure its just that you cannot recognize a crush.( my reaction: Yeah right, have heard the symptoms from all my friends like a zillion times!)
4. Hey guess that means you are too insecure to risk liking anyone!( No comment- the comment says it all- probably the closest explanation I might say..LOL)

The simplest explanation yet- that I have impossible standards and am looking for perfection.. As my mother astutely put it " I think you are searching for a husband not a boyfriend!" Woah there, never looked at it that way! Then again isn't that what we all do- consciously or unconsciously... Aren't we all in this constant search for our "soul mate". A part of me knows that there is no perfect fit like two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle its rather like pieces of broken china, however well one fixes it there will always be the problem of leakage. I know there is no such thing as perfect other half- there are always compromises to be made, differences to be sorted out and opinions that will differ. A feminist's approach but one I deem true is that women mature faster compared to men therefore I have always found guys in my age-group sometimes those a few years older than me rather immature( there have however been a few exceptions to this rule :D) This is one of the reasons women tend to marry slightly older men. (LOL... Did warn you -its rather feministic!) And the older guys who I might find good enough for me( I have a huge ego too) look upon me as their kid sister- that kinda ruins the chemistry!!
I am an insecure person- I have no qualms about admitting that, I expect any relationship I get into to last forever and see no point in getting into one otherwise. That's one of the major reasons why I have never had a crush.

I recall a heated, passionate debate, tempers flaring and opinions flying back and forth within our gang in college sometime back. The topic being " Should one get into a relationship"! It was me against seven of my friends ( two remained undecided and neutral!) My friends reasons for getting into relationships were many, some meaningful others not very .. According to them it made them feel good- feel happy and loved, they gained experience, they found what they wanted in their ideal man and what they didn't -so on and so forth. Reflecting now, it was rather amusing and must have been quite a show for any third person observing us... Their dictum being that I was cold and frigid.. :D( for a diehard romantic who loves her sappy movies and happy endings that was quite a judgment!)

I am quite the paradox I must say... Romantic, cynical, idealist, a pessimist and an optimist - just your normal eighteen year old girl still finding herself and her place in the world. Why in the world is she looking for her ideal other half even before she finds her own two feet?!